A few of the things I've finished lately

The socks are from Through the Loops! Designs, the 2009 Mystery Sock KAL for Socktoberfest. This is the only pair I completed for Socktoberfest, and I didn't even complete them until mid-November. Whoops. They are done and they are wonderful, the yarn is dyed by Knitting Iris with Red Saunderswood from her Esty shop here. Nothing but good to say about this yarn, awesome color and just right for autumn.

Anne came out in the cold to help me photograph the socks, so I snapped a photo of her in the mini-Felicity hat I made for her in early September. Yeah, she needed it that early in the season, we had an early cold snap that killed all the leaves on the trees before they had a chance to turn. The hat pattern is here as a Ravelry download, I went down on the needle size, using US 4 and 6 and it fit her just fine.

Labor Day Weekend at Glacier National Park

(And one last shot of the little guys doing what they do best!)

Little by little

The yarn is Opal Hundertwasser "Positive Soul Trees, Negative Human Houses in the cotton variety, bought two years ago so I'm not sure how widely available it is any longer. This sock. Has been. The bane of my knitting existence this summer. I overestimated its yardage capacity over and over and over again. Top down, I was aiming for a mid to high calf length pair of socks on only one ball. Ha! I split the yarn evenly by weight, and knit, ripped, knit, ripped and knit again (maybe even one more rip in there, but I lost count). I resolved the problem by getting down to the toe with precious few yards left over and changing to a contrasting color to finish it off. I have one sock done. The other has been started but I need a break. I'm still mad at it. Or myself. Whatever. That sock is the metaphor for life right now. Progress, backward steps, frustration and exhaustion. Over and over again. Ready for a "progress" stretch any time now!

Washed Out

Washed out, in more ways than one. This photo was taken in my childhood hometown after a large storm dumped massive amounts of water in a short time and washed out several roads this June. I didn't dare stand too close to the edge, as it was I had crossed the barriers at my own risk. This is a good representation of myself right now, I have been terribly sleep deprived for over two years but now that my littlest ones sleep the night I just can't.

In addition, fibromyalgia is getting the better of me and I'm more than a little depressed about it all. This, and a combination of other things have helped me come to the decision to wean the babies from breastfeeding in order to explore some drug treatments. Even though I nursed Anne until 2 years and 7 months, Adrian *only* got 14 months to nurse. It kills me that he didn't get equal time in, or that I am giving it up rather than waiting for them to lose interest (ok, Anne never would and I'd have to cut her off anyway!). But I need this, I am washed out, worn out, pooped out. For those precious few of you who visit me regularly, I'm sure you've noticed how much I've slowed down in posting. I have had no energy to take photos, despite family members clamoring for more shots of their (great) grand babies. There are a few dishcloths I've pumped out, but who really wants to see the same garter diamond ten times over?

The babies are weaned now, I am certain this is part of my depression, emotional and chemical and hormonal. Blood has been drawn for lab work and I have appointments on the calendar for me now as well as the children's usual check ups and whatnots. I even have a babysitter so I can go by myself (what's that? it's so strange!) to focus with the doctor without distractions. Being with the children really is a choice, I prefer to have them with me and if I wanted to get away I'm sure I could arrange it. But doctor and physical therapy appointments really require me to go alone, and a little time to myself is good, I know. And now with the youngest not dependent on nursing, ok, in reality he's not been dependent on that for several months now, Martin and I left them with uncle Nick and aunt Summer and we went out to a movie - our first movie date in years. YEARS. It was so good, and I look forward to more date nights.

So, here I am, washed out and broken down but hey, there's still road left on the other side. I'm working to climb out and keep going forward. It's harder than I thought and I'm not known to be a very patient person, and not used to being stopped in my tracks. It has been a good time to make the best of it despite limitations, to find meaning and happiness in life in the middle of difficulty and sorrows.

Rainy day out at Canyon Ferry Lake

Couldn't zoom in any more, but there's a pelican out there in the last photo. Took the Suburban out on Saturday up a few mountain dirt roads, not much wildlife out in the rain. We passed some areas burned by forest fires, checked out the lower side of the dam where I hopped out in the rain to catch a photo of that pelican. Too wet to hike and I'm glad we decided not to go camping this weekend with the babies, we had pretty heavy wind gusts and thunderstorms yesterday (oh, and Adrian was throwing up all afternoon, poor guy, camping would have been cut short anyway).

We spent the rest of the weekend lazing about, watching PBS programs like Backroads of Montana on Deerlodge's Rialto Theater and the Ringing Rocks geological site near Pipestone. Martin's family moved from Wisconsin to Deerlodge, MT in the '90s and recalls the restoration work on the theater. We hadn't heard of the Ringing Rocks, we'll have to go check it out, my husband is particularly keen on it as a geologist.

My eldest child is returning today from Yellowstone with my dad and youngest sister. I've had a few phone calls while they've been away, it sounds like they are having great fun with things like white water rafting and encountering buffalo. I get them home tonight for a quick turn about as they repack for their flight out to Michigan tomorrow, it's Jonah's annual summer trip to my parent's house without the rest of us.

Playground Fun

Straddling the Continental Divide

Our second mountain climbed this year! Ok, it wasn't that much of a climb from the turn off at the top of the highway, but for a 2 year old this is quite thrilling. My one-year-old is strapped to my back and the only one of my kids who doesn't try to squirm out of the backpack carrier, he can appreciate being carried around. Enjoy it while it lasts, kiddo.

Little Things

Weaving in ends of some little pink socks for Anne, she is sleeping and I hope to lay them out for her to find when she wakes up. She's been so patient for me to finish the second sock, she would run around with the first one on while I was knitting the second. It feels really, really good to do little things like this, pain has been keeping me down on a lot of life. There have been some better days and I take advantage of them and use some of them to push myself, prove that I still have it in me to hike and climb mountains - I have one under my belt this year. Other days I can hardly move, but you just plow through and see what the next day brings. So, here are some little socks, a little sign of progress. I'm still here, I'm still going.

Update on May, and Where Did It Go?

Jonah has been involved with soccer this spring, he's also finished up a Montana history fair project on the Fort Union Trading Post. He turned 10 years old on the 26th (Ten years?!? Where did my baby go?) On the last day of May he came down with chickenpox.



My two youngest are growing even faster, Anne is nearly 2 and a half, and Adrian turns one year old next week. I have no idea how this year has gone so quickly, I know I'm repeating myself but it's such a shock to have one child turn 10 and another turn 1 within just a few weeks of each other. Adrian is nearly walking, he's talking and trying desperately to keep up with his big sister.



I have two giant African violets that have been blooming like crazy the whole month of May. They sit very cheerily on the bathroom windowsill, they make my day each time I see them.





The chalk has come out, and onto little hands, knees, socks, toes (those that refuse to wear socks now that chill has passed)...oh, and onto the pavement near our shed. We've also brought out the wagon, had rounds of bocce on the lawn, weeded the iris patch and started tending to the needs of our very young lilac tree. We are in the early stages of house hunting and putting off gardening plans until we settle into a more permanent location.



I have been waiting out the longest winter I have ever known, my first Montana winter, ready to open these windows at the very first breath of warm breeze. They are now open, the trees are *just* leafing out, the large lilac in beautiful bloom outside my bedroom window. Many afternoons the two youngest children consent to nap at the same time and I retire to my own bed with orange cat at my feet, windows open to listen to the new leaves rustle and the birds sing and twurtle. Now, if someone would tell them that I'd greatly appreciate it if they'd hold off the song starting at 4am and put it off until maybe 6am. Thanks.

April (snow) showers bring....?

Yep, that's snow gathering on the windshield and floating in the air. Let's hope it doesn't stick.

Something about lemons into lemonade

Frustrated that the bulk apples I purchased had many bad spots and were too sour to eat, annoyed at the one lonely pie crust in the fridge that always gets in the way of the other containers (yes, the pie crust is the scapegoat of my fridge), 'cause I just wasn't in the mood for another one-shell pumpkin pie, the two delinquents got thrown at each other to make a rustic pie. Take that.





Spring mud, couldn't go much farther even with 4-wheel drive. We saw a moose that day, they aren't very common in that particular area near Deer Lodge. Also, snow falling on the mountains, a reminder that we shouldn't pack away the hats and gloves just yet. After three consecutive days with all the windows open, outdoors time without coats on, lying in the grass and pulling dead stuff from the flower bed the windows are closed again, we are waiting on snow. I'm a bit depressed by this, but will make the most of it by cooking up a pot of stew, probably the last of the season.



Anne, doing a little dance on top of a dry ice tornado simulator. As soon as a new tornado would form she would dance dance dance it away.

Just a ball of yarn, utilitarian dishcloth cotton

So, I have some things in the works, some things finished, used daily and forgotten to photograph. Ravelry? Haven't touched it in over a year, I loved it at first, everything so organized. Then I had a few more babies and got busy. And less organized. I'd like to keep up more here, document the moments more often, but I shouldn't feel guilty for just living life. It's sweet, it's hard, it's tiring, and it's been fun. Spring is only just creeping upon Montana (I'm ignoring the chance of snow in the weekend forecast), we are outdoors in earnest again. Yesterday's post was an evening's romp about the yard, finally no boots nor hats required.

The Children

A Long Winter, A Long Needed Break

This was my first Montana winter, filled with too many illnesses and set backs that kept me from even thinking of updating here. There were frozen pipes, bread dough starter that refused to rise in the cold, a Volkswagen that did not behave well in the cold and snow. Now it's spring, we still have snow but there have been a few blessed days of warmth and the promise of things to come. Maybe I will be back here more often, but for now a snippet of days here and there.

Absences

I don't update this blog how I'd like to, and I do see from my stat counter that I do have a number of returning readers (thank you for bearing with my long time between posting, I am thrilled to see how many people come over to see how things are with me and my family) - I try to keep this place as a record of my knitting, quilting and other various creative projects and keep a lot of the minutia quiet. Being a public blog, I am hesitant to share very personal things but I'd like to leave a note here to go back to, a bookmark in my life I suppose. I've recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and while I'm still trying to rule out other things like Lyme disease I am going ahead with treatment for FM. Nothing much has changed in my life, my pain just has a name now. I am breastfeeding two little ones right now so I am going to wait a while before I look at drug therapies. The diagnosis came when I finally went to the doctor after having a very bad spell of pain and exhaustion for multiple weeks, but I've had moderate pain and fatigue since I was a teenager. This was my first debilitating episode, and I'm not out of it yet.

I'm not sure how it will effect my life, my hobbies, how I'll update here, but I'm working on it, on me right now. I do have some knitting in the works, unlike arthritis I can still usually knit through the pain and the process has been good for me emotionally. At first I had a pity party for myself and one more thing wrong with me, but I'm working on making this something in my life to stop upon and put myself in alignment with where I should be going and not let it be defining of me - hey, it never has as I didn't know what it was. So, that's where I am right now and I don't really care to post on it again after letting it rest here.

Catching Up

It's getting colder and grey-er here, these cows had their photo-op a few weeks ago (a month ago??) Yesterday we had a very unusual fog in the valley, and today I'm starting to feel better after a two-week long cold. Unpacking the last of the boxes, putting quite a lot into our storage shed, but finally feeling settled in. Pulled out the box of quilting supplies, hoping to get finished with Mary and Bob's quilt. Found a sock I started knitting in June 2007, I aim to finish that soon as well, along with a toddler sweater (already ripped out once) with one sleeve finished, the second 3/4 done.



I was sick for most of the Halloween and Fall festivities season, but we managed to scrape out a few pumpkins and roast seeds. I still have two pumpkins un-cut, I'd like to get the seeds out of them if the freezing temperatures haven't ruined the insides yet.



The two little ones are growing fast, Anne is talking more and loves to draw on all the scrap paper thrown in the recycle bin. A few walls have pencil marks now, but we're working on staying at the table. Adrian is 5 months old, time is going by too fast.

Congrats Nick and Summer

The ceremony was really lovely, all went smoothly.

The new Mr. and Mrs. Van Oort.



I couldn't get the whole bridal party into the shot, but they were all handsome, dashing and brilliant.



My husband in the line-up, wearing a suit. Our wedding was much more informal, no suit for that occasion. He says to take a good look, the next time he'll wear it will be at his own funeral.



The guest suite we stayed in near Kalispell was fabulous, we arrived in the dark and woke up to this view:



Anne had a blast in the bunk beds and with some really awesome stuffed fish pillows.

Settling in

Here's the view on our ride into town, we're only 2 miles from the city limits but with this view it's a nice enough get-away. Still settling in, just got connected online, more news to follow.

Moving to Montana

Martin received not one, but two job offers for positions in Helena, Montana. And the job he took was one he didn't even apply for, they came looking for him to interview. I am very, very proud of him and the work he does with the environment, groundwater computer modeling and geological field work. We are packing up and leaving in 16 days (eep!), Martin's dad is helping us find a place to live and dad or brother will likely fly in to Dulles to help take turns driving on our cross country move.

Saying Goodbye to Virginia

It is official: We are leaving Virginia. By the 14th of September, we will send our belongings out ahead of us, load up the cars with kids and cats and happily put the South behind us.

Where next is another question entirely. There is a job transfer within the company my husband works for to the Ann Arbor, Michigan office - closer to my family, or there might be a job in Helena, Montana for him - near his family. Just a few more days wait until we know. Either way, we are out of Virginia. This has all come together so quickly, I didn't think it would happen this year. I am thrilled.